Meeting on a dating site

13 Feb

This dynamic can happen during the early stages of any romantic relationship, but when you meet online you have to navigate additional pitfalls, as well.

For starters, when you are interested in someone you meet online, you can assume that there will be good in-person chemistry.

Meeting for a quick coffee early in the process isn’t always feasible, however. There are good reasons that asking questions and listening well are relationship superpowers.

So what else can help you stay safe and date smart when you meet someone interesting online? Guard yourself against the assumptions and idealizations that can flourish in a long distance relationship. Don’t just think about the image you are presenting to this prospective partner, think about what they are telling you. Often we neglect the basics because we’re looking for a surefire tip or a secret answer we just haven’t figure out yet.

In the process, you sometimes don’t listen carefully to what the other person is saying (or not saying) about themselves.

You can forget to think carefully about whether you might be truly compatible.

How someone answers to these questions can give you clues about how to love well, and also let you know how they may often try to express their love for you.

It can feel a lot more natural to ask and answer questions over a cup of coffee than via email.

You also have more opportunities to see whether someone’s words match their actions.

Remember that the aim of online dating is to find someone who suits you, not just to find someone. When it comes to online dating (and dating in general, really) there are no surefire tips to make things work.

Finally, you really need to ask good questions and listen carefully to the answers. But when it comes to building good relationships there are a handful of core skills that really help–things like asking good questions, listening carefully, and learning how to manage differences and disagreements constructively instead of destructively.